you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
