I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
