Don't make out with my wife yet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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