erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
