my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
