You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
