Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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