it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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