I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
