I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
