hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
