I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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