is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
