Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
