So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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