Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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