the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
