i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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