quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
