How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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