So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
