My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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