Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
