Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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