I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
