Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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