I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
