Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
