She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize