just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
