Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
