zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
