Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
