Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
