I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
