the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
