I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
