I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
