I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
why do cheetos always look like penises
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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