When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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