turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
