Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
