Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
