Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
is it fun? or sober?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
