I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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