Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
