I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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