we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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