Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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