very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
