What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Im part way to drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
