Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
