At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
