he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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