I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
