ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
