Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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