I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
