Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
