Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
