Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
