YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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