my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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