it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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